Man I had such a bad day today.

Sarah and I talked but it didn’t go well. I’m very deeply saddened by our recent break-up. I keep blaming myself for it ending. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s not all my fault. It takes two people to argue and we both had a hand in it.

Today, someone stole my bank card information when I got money from an ATM at a local gas station. I noticed on my bank account that there were 4 purchases that I didn’t make and had never heard of the companies. I called the bank so I caught them before they stole more than $100, but that’s a lot of money for me. It’s rent time and my budget is always tight at the beginning of the month since rent eats up most of my check. It’s going to take the bank 5-7 business days to lsend me a new bank card but I have to pay rent by no later than the 5th, andI have another financial obligation to take care of. I don’t think I’m going to get my new bank card in time. Fuck. I’m stressing big time.

When I went to the drugstore today, some crazy homeless lady’s two big dogs tried to eat my little dog as a snack. They lunged at us and tried to bite my dog. All 3 dogs were barking and threatening one another. I reminded her that aggressive dogs have to be muzzled but she starting yelling some crazy angry nonsensical rant at me. I ignored her and went into the store. When I wanted to leave, she was right outside the doors so I was afraid my dog would get attacked and killed and that I would be bitten or assaulted by the two women. I called the store manager and told him about the women and the dogs and told him that I was afraid to step outside. He was very nice and went outside to ask them to leave but they yelled angrily at him too and refused. He called the police and asked that they come to remove  them from in front of the store, and they were 4 minutes away. Just my luck, the woman leaves before the police arrive. I really wanted them to talk with her and do something about her dogs but I doubt anything further happened. The police probably spoke with the manager, got back in their car and left. I hate that lady. She’s a local homeless person and she’s angry, violent, threatening, deluded and bat shit crazy. I’ve seen her dogs attempt to bite several other dogs so they are dangerous. The bad part is, I know I’ll run into her and her big aggressive dogs again.

Since today is my 1 year anniversary of being on Testosterone, I decided to get out of the house and go out to the Citadel, the local community BDSM play space. Tonight’s event was “Transmission”, a trans* play party with our peers and allies. I really didn’t want to sit around the house and feel bad all night so I went out to hopefully celebrate my special day and see some friends. Surprisingly, I got flirted with a lot, which was a very nice surprise. My leather hat got a lot of compliments. It was totally the hat. lol. : ) A cute femme friend looked very hot and flirted with me which was a nice ego stroke. I also made a new friend tonight and I got to hang out with the usual gang of suspects, which was nice. 

Walking home from the Citadel, there was a beautiful, big blue moon in the sky. You know that saying, “once in a blue moon”? The blue moon is the second full moon of the calender month. It happens only three times a year, hence the saying. It was very big and beautiful and blue.

And then there’s the song, “Blue Moon”

“Blue moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own”

“Blue moon
You saw my saying a prayer for
Someone I really did care for”

It all seemed very appropos, given my very recent break-up with my girlfriend. They were singing my song.